Top 3 Tips for New Dads

Researchers over the years have demonstrated that the birth of the first child is often the most difficult transition that a couple will face in their relationship. The following are 3 tips for new Dads to help your partner in the transition to parenthood.

1. Do your share at home
One of the most common problems for new parents occurs when they make assumptions about who does what when. In most cases prior to the birth both partners worked outside the home. The relationship was modern and egalitarian with both sharing the load in terms of earning the bread and maintaining the home. Then the baby is born and Mum is at home with the new baby whilst Dad goes back to work. Then something amazing happens. I call it the Fabulous Fifty's Flashback. Our new Dad suddenly assumes that the home is the wife's domain whist his role is to be the breadwinner. This metamorphosis is almost instantaneous and often very damaging. The new Dad assumes that his wife will have the house clean, baby cared for, and dinner on the table when he gets home just like a 50's TV show. Making this assumption is a sure fire way to get yourself in hot water. Looking after a new baby is a difficult task and much more time consuming that you would imagine (until you have done it yourself). New Dads can do themselves a big favour by maintaining their share of the housework and baby care. It's not easy to come home from a long day at work and do housework or look after the bub but you will find that it will help your relationship no end.

2. Positive Reinforcement
Having a baby is a very challenging time for new Mums and Dads. One area in which a new Dad can be a huge help to his partner is by using consistent positive reinforcement. The majority of new Mums will experience baby blues, which are characterised by tears, feeling down and uncertainty. These feelings are usually temporary but they highlight the emotional changes and vulnerability that many new Mums experience. Consistent words of encouragement, reinforcing the great job that she is doing and how much you appreciate her is a great way to support a new Mum. This is especially important as she is learning new skills such as breastfeeding and settling the baby. This can be a really difficult experience for some new Mums as there are huge expectations that it should work perfectly first time (followed by feelings of guilt when it doesn't work perfectly the first time). It may seem harmless to make the odd smart comment but you need to understand the impact that this can have on someone who is feeling vulnerable. By focusing on positive reinforcement it reassures your partner that you understand what she is going through and care enough to support her.

3. ‘Me' time
As a new parent you soon learn the value of time. You now have so much more to do with no extra time to do it. An important tip for new Dads is to help their partner to get some Me time. Remember, a new Mum is tied to the bub at regular intervals for feeding. There is no day off, so helping her to have some time alone is vital for her to recharge the batteries. Another tip is not to make judgments on how she spends that time. She may just need to sit quietly for an hour and read. Let her decide what she needs. It is also important for new Dads to have Me time. The key is to make sure that you plan and agree the time that you will be out and make sure that it is fair and balanced.

By Peter Denman
Copyright Aspire Consulting 2008
For more information or if you would like to reproduce this material please contact Peter Denman aspireconsulting@bigpond.com
http://www.learnerdad.com.au/