Differences between Men and Women in the Transition to Parenthood

Becoming a parent is a great shared experience for any couple. In fact many couples assume that the transition to parenthood is very similar for men and women. In fact, there are a few key differences that can make it a very different experience. It is important that both partners are aware of these differences so that they can appreciate their partner’s point of view. Below are two common areas of difference between mens and womens experience in the transition to parenthood


1. Bonding with the unborn baby
It seems like a no-brainer that both parents would have a strong bond to their unborn child. However, for many men this bond takes a lot longer to develop that they imagine. This can leave them feeling anxious that somehow they are not going to be a good parent or even sometimes questioning whether they will truly love their child. Women bond with their unborn child on a physical, emotional and spiritual level. They can feel the baby as a part of them, they imagine the baby growing inside and wonder about the person that they will become. Men do not have the same physical connection to the unborn baby. They can see the bump but it is not a part of them. They are bonding with an idea of what the baby will be like when it is born and grows. This can be distressing to some men as they see that their partner is more fully engaged than they are.

For Dads, I suggest that you don’t get too anxious and think that you are abnormal. Give yourself time and focus on what it will be like holding your child, seeing the first smile, watching first steps, hearing your bub say ‘Dad’ for the first time. This sort of visioning exercise can help you to get in touch with what it will feel like being a new Dad. For Mums, it is important to understand that men have a different experience in the transition to parenthood and to give him time to engage more fully.


2. Identity changes
For Mums who worked outside the home before having a baby there is a huge identity shift in becoming a Mum for the first time. Work is often a large part of out identity and when you become a Mum it is sometimes difficult when you are away from that world. There is often a sense of not being a unique individual anymore and feeling like a feeding machine.

Dads tend to find less of an impact in this area as they often go back to work after a week or two of parental leave. For Dads it is important to realise that these identity changes can be significant and distressing for new Mums. It is important to show empathy and give her time to get used to the new situation.


By Peter Denman
Copyright Aspire Consulting 2008
For more information or if you would like to reproduce this material please contact Peter Denman aspireconsulting@bigpond.com
http://www.learnerdad.com.au/